I Think Pasta is Boring and I Don’t Understand Why Some People are So in Love with It

I wasn’t always like this. There have been times in my life where I have eaten pasta and even enjoyed it. But that was ages ago during my youth when I didn’t know any better. And before you write me off as some keto-carnivore health nut, I’d like to say that I actually love carbs. Or ‘glucides’ as all the food companies are rebranding them as these days [clever … but not clever enough]. If I were married, carbs would be my mistress. My sultry lover that draws me back in every time despite me knowing better and wishing I had the willpower to end the affair. But alas, we all have our weaknesses.

For me, carbs come in the form of artisan bread, pizza, and cookies. But for some reason, pasta has never really done it for me. I can appreciate a good plate of fettuccini alfredo as much as the next person. And I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong my pasta-loving comrades but just know that I am silently judging you. To me, you’re in the same category as people who order salads at a steakhouse. Just order the damn steak!

The Why

I think the main reason I don’t like pasta is because it’s so darn boring. It’s just noodles. That’s it. And if you want to get really technical, pasta is just flour and water [or ‘semola di grano duro’ if we’re being fancy]. There’s nothing there to really sink your teeth into. It’s just a vessel for sauce. And don’t even get me started on spaghetti. That stuff is the worst. In a dramatized Quintin Tarantino directed biopic of my life, spaghetti would be my arch-nemesis. And for the youngsters that might be reading this, basically, spaghetti can ‘catch these hands’.

And what’s the deal with all the different shapes? Like, why? I get that some shapes might hold sauce better than others but at the end of the day, it’s all just noodles. And don’t even get me started on zoodles [zucchini noodles for those who don’t know]. That is just an abomination and if you’re eating zoodles, we can’t be friends.

Maybe Facebook friends. But definitely not real friends.

The exception to the rule

I think the only acceptable use of pasta is in macaroni and cheese. Here, pasta knows it’s place. It isn’t putting on airs. And even then, it’s only mildly tolerable because of the cheese. Take away the cheese and you’re just left with a pile of soggy or al dente mush. And that folks, is not something I’m interested in eating.

So there you have it. I think pasta is boring and I don’t understand why some people are so in love with it.

And while we’re at it, can someone please explain to me what the deal with zoodles is?

But like I said, I’m not here to hate on pasta or the people who love it. To each their own. I’m just here to state my case and let the world know that there are people out there who don’t like pasta. And we’re not going to be silent anymore! We’re done being the outcasts, the black sheep, the odd ones. It’s time for us to come out of the shadows and into the light! So if you don’t like pasta, this is your moment! Stand up and be counted! Let your voice be heard! [Or at the very least, leave a comment]

Until next time, pasta haters of the world unite!

P.S. What should our group name be?

Thanks for reading. Peace out! [or ‘ciao’ if we’re being fancy]

Until next time,

Luna ❤